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The Plum Puddings (Of Desolation)

by The Brooms of Destruction

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1.
I saw the red alerts as bright as santa's cap Hung up like tinsel on the weather warnings map Hey but I see no colours out tonight No, the window's like a blank sheet of paper just as white as snow I heard the news proclaim bleak tidings from the sky Icebound commuters forced to pause their working lives But their smiles say they're glad to lose their gold For a day off just to play with their children in the cold throwing snowballs The angels at last have time to fly See the stars and let them guide you home And grace has descended from on high And covered all our dark streets with light And they call it disruption; I call it Christmas! Just a snowy Monday in mid January Let's call it Christmas I've seen the drivers Bold enough or fool enough to spin their luck upon the frozen tarmac Doesn't matter if they drive a white van or a jag Or if the ice is white or if it's black All the people band together to heave up every slope And shovels aplenty get them home Their reservedness as potholed as the road I heard the Met police were called to Primrose Hill For some disorder had disturbed the morning chill But when they saw the protesters sledging down They sat upon their riot shields and joined the laughing crowd down the snow slide The angels at last have time to fly See the stars and let them guide you home grace has descended from on high And covered all our dark streets, covered all our parked up idles to greed, covered all our refuse with light And they call it disruption; I call it Christmas! Just look out the window; it might as well be Christmas I've felt the driving sleet, the weeks without the sun The bitter cold of all the wrong our race has done And though we're far from that promised peace on earth I've seen the star and I'll go for what it's worth yes I'll go Where the lords are made low Where forgiveness drifts like snow Till our city is a blank sheet of paper All our rushing and our roads who'd remember The poor will laugh at the sight All our riches buried overnight Now this moment is a blank sheet of paper On which to write love, we're starting over The angels will sing it in the sky and the stars will guide us there at last Mammon is buried, love is nigh And all is peace and all is shared And they call it disruption; I call it Christmas! Just call it Christmas, you've been working hard so have a day off and call it Christmas, hey merry Christmas!
2.
3.
I leant upon a coppice gate When Frost was spectre-grey, And Winter's dregs made desolate The weakening eye of day. The tangled bine-stems scored the sky Like strings of broken lyres, And all mankind that haunted nigh Had sought their household fires. The land's sharp features seemed to be The Century's corpse outleant, His crypt the cloudy canopy, The wind his death-lament. The ancient pulse of germ and birth Was shrunken hard and dry, And every spirit upon earth Seemed fervourless as I. At once a voice arose among The bleak twigs overhead In a full-hearted evensong Of joy illimited; An aged thrush, frail, gaunt and small, In blast-beruffled plume, Had chosen thus to fling his soul Upon the growing gloom. So little cause for carolings Of such ecstatic sound Was written on terrestrial things Afar or nigh around, That I could think there trembled through His happy good-night air Some blessed Hope, whereof he knew And I was unaware.
4.
5.
Fourteen 08:03
A new life answers Summer’s dawn Feeding, dreams to fly But ice soon falls And there were fourteen Fourteen stars Up in space A softly glowing trace To watch while you wait Under fourteen Fourteen stars Crawl out Before the willow bursts Through winter’s night Long days, but Soon comes The fading light And there were fourteen Fourteen stones Where you lay Suspended in one place The frost in your veins And over fourteen Fourteen stones Rise up, once more Begin again Season after season Feast, freeze and thaw And there were fourteen Fourteen years Til you woke A paper skin you wove The bonds they were broken After fourteen Fourteen years No longer tied to the tundra You’re living on The scales on your wings Are as grey as the rocks that fall Beneath your flight As you lift Into history And for fourteen Fourteen more hours You live You were only waiting for the right moment to shine For your time to come alive For the sun to rise
6.
7.
Boxing Day Eve and falling night All is calm and all is bright Curled up by the fireplace and everything's right by me It's just you and me now, no-one else is around And you know I want you, I'm the warmest cat in town Mmm you're the leftover turkey that they foolishly left out It was too easy Now all their frantic frittering for food and gifts has ended All their family feuding has scattered them and faded It's just me, the VIC, anything I want included On the night before Boxing Day So I'll do as I please, no-one tells me what to eat I'll llick all the snack foods and snaffle all the meat And sink my claws into every arm of their three-piece suite It sure feels good Now mummy's too tired, she's hit the sack early Daddy's too drunk to even notice what I'm up to And the children, so transfixed by toys they've left the boxes empty On the night before Boxing Day yeah Well it's easy to see why Boxing Day's so called For every gift opened leaves a palace of cardboard And they get so excited about the day before But look to the future now, it's only just begun! So much food leftover mummy feeds me like a king Daddy's so hungover I can snooze on top of him And the children leave their greatest gifts for me to fidget in I just can't wait until Boxing Day yeah! On the night before Boxing Day yeah! La la la la...
8.
If austerity Christmas starts to get you down I got news for you that might just bring you round There’s a jolly fat-cat all dressed in red With a sack full of dividends in his sled Look under our tree, did he leave a bonus for you? Well if you're not one of the ninety-nine Then I'm sure you'll be doin just-a-mighty-fine The rest of us had better occupy Christmas! We wish you a hopeful Christmas With peace and love and mince pies for everyone! To have joy you don’t need to buy no more junk We’re gonna occupy Christmas! Waow! No heavenly music in the sky tonight you’ll hear Not even a stocking full of coal this year Such naughty boys and girls they’ve been To cut the Season’s Service pension scheme The Yuletide Union balloted its members Well the angels polled unanimously And Santa’s elves did all agree To back the strike and occupy Christmas! Waow! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open Micra, hey! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way I don’t know what I’m doing anymore so I'll make a cup of tea We wish you a hopeful Christmas With peace and love and mince pies for everyone! To have joy you don’t need to buy no more junk We’re gonna occupy Christmas! Waow! C-C-C-Christmas! Waow!
9.
Food enough to see out one hundred-thousand years Dulcet tones of the Brooms ringing in your ears Outside the snow is falling The robin softly calling you To bring good cheer Six laying-geese are honking And reindeer hooves are stomping That’s how you’ll know its Christmas time Christmas jumpers in the shops, the weather’s getting cool Stupid adverts on the box take you for a fool The family’s gifts need wrapping And neighbours’ doors need tapping Wassail we will sing Old ladies’ sprouts need peeling There’s tinsel on the ceiling That’s how you’ll know its Christmas time A holy anthem that resounds, straining to be heard A glimpse of hope, a tale of peace waiting to be learned The killing fields are silent No fear, no pain, no violence Walls have broken down A light dispels the darkness Our hearts are filled with gladness The clouds have silver linings A million stars are shining That’s how we’ll know its Christmas time
10.
O come, O come, Emmanuel And ransom captive Israel That mourns in lonely exile here Until the Son of God appears Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel Creation groans in agony We hold the keys to liberty But so worn down by cares of life We e'en neglect our own in strife (rejoice...) O God, we feel so far from Thee Thy presence, Thy eternity This fallen world is far from home And You seem hid by cloud, unknown (rejoice...) And on that day when God shall dwell With man in our new 'Israel' Thy kingdom come, our fall undone And all creation joined as one (rejoice...)
11.
The Angel came to Mary at Nazareth in Galilee Not to a queen, nor a town of roy’l abode For his name was Gabriel, subject to no king was he But to the Most High, the everlasting God Singing “Oh my soul, rejoice! In God who is mindful of the humble voice And greetings to thee most highly favoured maid God is with thee Mary do not be afraid” Spake the Angel truly, “Thou wilt be with Holy child Thy tender womb is the Son of God to bear You may name him Jesus, for he comes to reconcile All Earth and Heaven in their maker’s loving care Singing “Oh my soul, rejoice! In God who is mindful of the humble voice So go and see you heard me here foretell Your old Aunt Elizabeth bears a son as well” “I will be God’s servant” Mary spake and “Let it be” Thence to the hills of Judea she made haste For Elizabeth dwelled there and as Mary greeted she In her the babe leapt for joy that filled her praise Singing “Oh my soul, rejoice! In God who is mindful of the humble voice The Lord hath taken my disgrace away Blessed are you oh Mary and thy child today” Then didst Mary’s soul sing “All will ever call me blessed For God hath done such amazing things for me He hath filled the hungry with the very wholesome best But sent the rich empty handed now to be And oh my soul, rejoice! In God who is mindful of the humble voice For he hath brought down the rulers from their thrones And lifted up the humble people as his own“ Then was Jesus born in a stable shed in Bethlehem Poor refugee in that town of roy’l abode And t’was lowly shepherds saw the Hosts of Heaven send Tidings of gladness and joy for all the world Singing “Oh my soul, rejoice! In God who is mindful of the humble voice And glory to God in the highest Peace on Earth and all his favour on thee rest”
12.
(I’m just getting into it) It will all be over by Christmas It will all be over by Christmas It will all be over by Christmas No one can remember the first time it was said Some still know what it cost but could never count the dead But when the general trots it out there’s one thing you’ll foresee Whatever the season’s greetings there’s no peace under that tree It will all be over by Christmas (They said) It will all be over by Christmas (Got it in my head) Yes we’ll all be headed home for Christmas I can smell that turkey’s long gone cold Come twenty-fifth December of 1914 Still freezing in the trenches exactly where they’d been So they disobeyed the orders and for just one day ran free Oh the Germans’ goal was offside but both sides can agree Can we all give it a rest for Christmas? (Insubordination in the ranks!) Can this all be over just for Christmas? (Stop that fraternisation!) Can the guns play Silent Night for Christmas? Some respite from their Hark the Herald Hell Come on and ring that Christmas bell! That was the war to end all wars Except the hundreds that have followed “It’ll all be over” they recite like it’s a law That with each Christmas gets more meaningless and hollow Well we believe in something more We’re done with asking what the fighting’s for Let’s rise to the newborn Saviour’s call To smash the machines of war It will all be over by Christmas (Here we come singing) It will all be over by Christmas (Our star is rising) And the angels fill the sky on Christmas Singing out “the Prince of Peace has come” So come together everyone Oooh ooh ooh yeah! (...I didn’t envisage it as being a… ...un-sensible, not that un-sensible... ...In-fact could that do with being louder?... ...It will add to the excitement... ...OK... ...So I read… ...Its rock and roll… ...Do it again!) Well they’re still telling us that peace is oh-so-near If only we buy harder guns and bigger balls of fire Hey I know that some men have to compensate for something In their race to make the biggest bang they’ll blow it all for nothing It will all be over by Christmas (Really?) It will all be over by Christmas (Woohooo!) It will all be over by Christmas (My Christmas shopping never is!) It will all be over by Christmas (Sir! Yes Sir!) Yeah we might all be dead and gone by Christmas So don’t jinx me with your lies general Hooah!
13.
Angels from the realms of glory Wing your flight o’er all the Earth You who sang creation’s story Now proclaim Messiah’s birth Come and worship Come and worship Come and worship Christ the King Come and worship Come and worship Worship Christ the newborn King Shepherds in the fields abiding Watching o’er your flocks by night God with us is now residing Yonder shines the infant light Come and worship Come and worship Come and worship Christ the King Come and worship Come and worship Worship Christ the newborn King Sages leave your contemplations Brighter visions beam afar Seek the great desire of nations You have seen his natal star Come and worship Come and worship Come and worship Christ the King Come and worship Come and worship Worship Christ the newborn King
14.
O Holy Night 04:37
Oh holy night, the stars are brightly shining It is the night of our dear saviour’s birth Long lay the world in sin and error pining ‘Til he appeared and the soul found its worth A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn Fall on your knees, oh hear the angel voices Oh night divine, oh night when Christ was born Oh night divine, oh night, oh night divine Truly he taught us to love one-another His law is love and his gospel is peace Chains shall he break for the slave is our brother And in his name all oppressions shall cease Sweet hymns of joy, in grateful chorus raise we Let all within us praise his holy name Fall on your knees, oh hear the angel voices Oh night divine, oh night when Christ was born Oh night divine, oh night, oh night divine Fall on your knees, oh hear the angel voices Oh night divine, oh night, oh night divine
15.
Old Wenceslas looked out On the feast of Stephen The snow lay round about Deep and crisp and even How brightly shone the moon! Though the frost was cruel A poor man came in sight, Gath'ring winter fuel “Come page and stand by me: And if you know, please tell me? This peasant, who is he? And do you know his dwelling?” “He lives a good league hence Underneath the mountain Against the forest fence Up by Saint Agnes' fountain” “Sire we have meat and wine, And we have pine logs burning We should not let him die, The weather it is turning” The rich man looked away, “Whilst I feel pity for him, He must make his own way, Tis not for us to save him” While the night was dark And while the wind blew stronger The page knew in his blood That he could wait no longer He gathered all he could Then he stepped out alone The raging winter storm Froze him to his bones But though the snow lay deep In every step he’d taken Warmth was in his sole, for Love had not forsaken Therefore good folk come all, Wealth or rank abandon All you who bless the poor Shall yourselves find blessing
16.
Lo for the tiding of the long night moon Let the sunrise call about the morning soon Short is the biding of the fading light Sing for the coming of the longest night North wind tell us what we need to know When the stars are shining on the midnight snow All of the branches will be turned to white Sing for the coming of the longest night A winter day, the summer grass turned hay Frost in the field ‘til the dawn of May A summer’s light never shone as great or as bright So dance in the shadows of a winter’s night Lo for the tiding of the long night moon May the harvest last until the springtime bloom Home is our comfort at the winter’s height Sing for the coming of the longest night All of the colours of the sunrise sky Shine a light upon us, as the day goes by Sun-setting shadows fading out of sight Sing for the coming of the longest night A winter day, the summer grass turned hay Frost in the field ‘til the dawn of May A summer’s light never shone as great or as bright So dance in the shadows of a winter’s night
17.
One turtle dove came this year As the hawthorn bloomed Purring at dawn from the top of a dead oak Scratching for seeds in the sun Whilst his plumage glowed Spinning his love song on sultry winds There came no reply from mate or rival or friend Cocking his head to the wind to no avail And the villagers, paid no heed at all Not yet gone but forgotten he sleeps Under the stars of a silent night One turtle dove headed south As his chances waned O’er a heedless continent Winged his way From the corner of his red eye Saw a star to the east He banked and turned on the breeze, his pace gathered He made landfall at dawn in a sad and broken place David’s city now shattered by bombs and hate Oh what child was there, what difference made his birth? Bullet shocked days find just temp’ry peace A restless ceasefire that silent night For all the life blood spent, for security or zeal Within or without those prayers and concrete walls No magi found a word of wisdom more One turtle dove tossed in tumultuous skies And flew for the North Star’s silent night For now, now is the time When the turtle’s heard in our land And the flowers appear In these scorched earth fields All the streams run clear The glow worms light up the hedgerows The tree that was withered Shall bear fruit again One turtle dove's heading north As the hoar frost blooms The impulse to fly back to where he had come from Is stronger than need for the sun Or Africa’s kind climes He descends too soon to a frozen land Not to hedgerow or field, but to village green at dawn Waking the world with his sweet and purring song And the villagers wonder what it means Perched on top of the shining Christmas tree A wondrous dove breaks this silent night
18.
All kindred folk rejoice! With heart and soul and voice! Give ye heed to what we say Jesus Christ is born today! Ox and ass before Him bow And He is in the manger now Christ is born today! Christ is born today! All kindred folk, rejoice! With heart and soul and voice Now ye hear of endless bliss Jesus Christ was born for this He hath ope'd the heav'nly door And we are blessed forevermore Christ was born for this Christ was born for this All kindred folk, rejoice! With heart and soul and voice Now ye need not fear the grave: Jesus Christ was born to save Calls you one and calls you all To gain His everlasting hall Christ was born to save Christ was born to save In dulci jubilo Let us our homage show Our hearts’ joy reclineth In praesepio And like a bright star shineth Matris in gremio Alpha es et O! Alpha es et O!
19.
While shepherds watched their flocks by night (flocks by night) All seated on the ground The Angel of the Lord came down The Angel of the Lord came down (without his trousers on) And glory shone around And glory shone around And glory shone around “Fear not” said he, for mighty dread (mighty dread) Had seized their troubled minds Glad tidings of great joy I bring Glad tidings of great joy I bring (without my trousers on) To you and all mankind To you and all mankind To you and all mankind To you in David’s town this day (David’s town) Is born of David’s line The saviour who is Christ the Lord The saviour who is Christ the Lord (without his trousers on) And this shall be the sign And this shall be the sign And this shall be the sign The heavenly babe you there shall find (there shall find) To human view displayed All meanly wrapped in swathing bands All meanly wrapped in swathing bands (without his trousers on) And in a manger laid And in a manger laid And in a manger laid (where the ducks fly backwards) Thus spoke the seraph and forthwith (and forthwith) Appeared a shining throng Of angels praising God who thus Of angels praising God who thus (without their trousers on) Addressed their joyful song Addressed their joyful song Addressed their joyful song All glory be to God on high (God on high) And to the Earth be peace Goodwill henceforth from Heaven to men Goodwill henceforth from Heaven to men (without their trousers on) Begin and never cease Begin and never cease Begin and never cease Where hast tha been since I saw thee? In Bethlehem bah t’at Where hast tha been since I saw thee? Thou has come back without thy sheep (but with thy trousers on) In Bethlehem bah t’at In Bethlehem bah t’at In Bethlehem bah t’at!

about

Plum Puddings!

The ‘Brooms Chorus’ on this occasion were: Steve Cole (twinkly accompiano-ment), Helen Whitall, Michael ‘Fish’ Whitall, Chris 'Hat' Foster, Rebecca Foster, Michael Maybridge, Sally Maybridge and John Tottenham (bonus track).

Baked using the following equipment: Electric, acoustic and bass guitars, ukelele, grand piano, sensible size keyboard, fun-size keyboard, glockenspiel, clarinet, tin whistle, recorder, maracas, Holy Egg, tambourine, The Barngarlands Drum Sampler (TM), a darkling thrush, ambient-bird-song-through-the-window and the 'triangle'.

Tracks 1,3,5,7-9, 11 and 17 by The Brooms Of Destruction. Lyrics for 'The Darkling Thrush' are from a poem by Thomas Hardy. The Halsway Carol is by Nigel Eaton and used under Creative Commons license. The rest are traditional carols (2,4,6,14,18,19) or adaptations thereof (10,13,15).

Best before 25th December.

Serving Suggestion: Smear all over with moarzipone and eat with gusto. Or relish if preferred.
No dog pianists were harmed in the making of this Plum Pudding.

CAUTION!! Under NO circumstances should you attempt to stash this product in the bottom of a Mandrill.

Merry Christmas! From The Brooms of Destruction.

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released December 13, 2015

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The Brooms of Destruction UK

Passionately silly musicians, writing & playing an eclectic bunch of songs about world issues and cookies. Met while reading at Reading Uni.

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